This is an excerpt from an article by Lara Catone.
Before reading on, I'd love to invite you to pause and jot down your answers to the following questions: What associations do you have with the word "erotic"? What does this word mean to you? What associations do you have with the word "eros"?
If you google "erotic", the links that come up either refer to adult films or erotic literature that focus on sex. "But isn't that what erotic is?" The answer is both yes and no.
In its most true essence, eros is our life force energy. It is the energy of creation and the very pulse of our being. It’s what makes us feel ALIVE. Eros is the spark of inspiration and the magnetism that draws us into communion with our dreams and desires. When we are in the energy of the erotic we are at home in our bodies and in intimate relationship with the world around us.
Yes, eros is inherently sexual. Sexual in the way that a ripe flower opens in spring. Sexual in the way that the cells of our bodies divide. Sexual in the way that there is something you are so committed to that it propels you to act with great passion. It is the great force behind co-creation.
Eros, or sexual energy, is the electric source of our power. Coming into relationship with the erotic offers up a profound expansion in the way that we think about and experience our own sexuality.
What we know of sex and how we enact it is small and incomplete. As a culture, we have settled for the most minuscule crumbs of sexual expression.
Our severance from the erotic has been so complete that we can’t even perceive what’s possible from where we are currently standing.
The erotic current lives whether we look at it or not, whether we engage it or not. It’s a living current—persistent and undeniable. When we attempt to push down and bury eros it will emerge sideways and twisted. The pandemics of internet pornography and rape culture are a direct result of the exiling of eros.
The irony of trying to protect children from the erotic is that before culture domesticates them, children are the living, breathing full expression of eros. Young children learn through their sensual experience with the world, they are at home and liberated in all of the natural ways their bodies move, they freely express the full spectrum of emotion. This is eros in pure form and action.
NONE OF US CAN FULLY THRIVE UNTIL WE RECONNECT TO AND EXPRESS WITH EROS.
Read full article here.
A big focus of the work of a Sexological Bodyworker is supporting women in listening to their bodies by tuning into and accessing their erotic arousal.
Pamela Madsen guides women on a very simple somatic (through the body) clothing-on exercise where they simply cup their genitals and rock. She dubs this the "Lotus Lift Meditation". As the women rock on their hands, many of them can begin to feel the slow building heat of arousal. Sometimes, this is the first time that they have felt their own arousal in a very long time. And for others, it is the first time that they have felt their arousal separate from beginning some other kind of sex act. this simple act opens up a communication pathway between a vagina and it's woman.
In this guided meditation, women simply feel, listen, and even question their bodies using the energy flow of arousal. In this soft trance states, women are asked to tune into their bodies and “ask” their “pussy”, “vagina “yoni”, “vulva” “cunt” (whatever word they are comfortable with), how their “lady parts” are feeling. Words often used are “honey”, “soft”, “happy”, “sexy”, “hot”, “tingling”, “connected”, and “alive”. But more and more, the following words are used: “angry”, “rage”, “broken”, “sad”, “pissed off”, “disconnected”, “nothing”. And then there are shocked tears. Many woman who express these darker emotions are shocked that these words came out of their mouths as they spoke the emotions of their angry, hurt, ignored, and disappointed vagina.
One may witness tears rolling down faces and stunned eyes as the women realize that they have not been listening to their own bodies, and that their vagina had some very real things to say to them. And so they begin a practice of having an internal dialog between a woman and her most sacred parts. Some mental health professionals call this “counseling with our parts”. Where one actively invites a body part to communicate with them. It's an incredibly healing practice, and often eye opening for the “owner” of the part. So this is what was learned about angry vaginas from their owners this year.
1. Vagina's want to be held and touched and not just when sex and orgasm is on the menu. They like a good cuddle.
2. Vagina's want their pleasure taken into account and they are tired of being rushed.
3. Vagina's want their “no” to be heard. Vagina's hold stories of sexual trauma for a very long time and need lots of support to heal. They don't want to be rushed.
4. Vagina's want attention paid to their climate whether it is ovulation, menstruation, peri-menopause, or menopause climate shifts, they want to be cared for and heard when the weather changes.
5. Vagina's want to be told that they are beautiful.
6. Vagina's will shut down and numb out if they are ignored.
7. If Vagina's are ignored long enough they will get furious and can begin to hurt.
8. Vagina's want to be asked.
Vagina's are resilient and they want to feel connected to their woman. Our job as women is to create the time to do just that. It's simple really. Create a space where you can be quiet. Begin to tune into your body by noticing your breath. Close your eyes and put one hand on your genitals and one hand on your heart. You can rock, or cup and move arousal energy or not. The most important thing is the connection. Try to tune into this incredible space between your legs and ask your vagina a question such as “How are you feeling?” and see what she says.
It can be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
~ Excerpts from an article by Pamela Madsen
So many women come to (Sexological Bodyworkers) wanting to "surrender". They are wanting to be able to "open" and "relax into their bodies". And yet, so many of us of any gender --- walk around in a state of "clench". It's all about hard bodies, tightened abs and guarding our emotional and physical selves. And that makes a lot of sense for a world that lives in combat. The only thing is that it doesn't make a lot of sense for is living a life of full sensuality. An armored contracted body goes numb from holding tight; and is not an invitation for pleasure or a lover's hand.
In Sexological Bodywork, we have for years worked with people around what we call "genital mapping" and "pelvic release work". This particular aspect of sexual wellness is not necessarily around arousal or orgasm. It's about identifying where in our genitals and pelvis that we hold unconscious contraction and emotions. By doing this slow exploration, we begin to identify in a somatic (in the body) experience where the trauma is held -- and we can learn to feel how to unleash it. Putting all of the learned practices together, we are using the term "Genital De-Armoring". Joseph Kramer, the founder of the field of Sexological Bodywork, would probably prefer the term; "Erotic Integration Work". But there is an imagery around the wold "Armor" that is helpful here for people to understand the concept.
traditionally worn as a defense against combat. This wording is used to describe the somatic process of ‘armoring’ that can happen in the body as a physical response to trauma.
There are many types of trauma, whether it is shaming around our expression of sexuality, difficult childbirth, medical/surgical experiences, sexual abuse, rape, or any form of unwanted sexual touch.
The body can go into a pattern of ‘guarding’ or holding, creating chronic pain or tension in the pelvic floor, or even ‘numbing out’ to suppress any sensation or feeling at all. Adhesions and scarring deep in the fascia can also contribute to feelings of pain and ‘stuck-ness’. This can make it extremely difficult to be connected in a loving way with our own bodies, or fully engaged and present with our partners in intimate situations. Loss of intimacy and lack of desire can cause us to pull further away in relationship.
In a de-armoring session, we use a combination of breathwork, touch and sensory awareness to help you relax into a deep state where subconscious patterns can begin the process of neural reprogramming. This is particularly effective for PTSD symptoms, when our bodies have been conditioned to react with a flight, fight or freeze response. Each session is different for each woman, and is based on what you would like to explore. You are gently guided back to a place where it is safe to trust your body, and where it can become safe to trust pleasure again. You begin to heal yourself from within, and that is an empowering space.
~ Excerpts taken from a post written by Pamela Anderson