Curated Readings and Resources for Cultivating and Honoring Pleasure
A big focus of the work of a Sexological Bodyworker is supporting women in listening to their bodies by tuning into and accessing their erotic arousal.
Pamela Madsen guides women on a very simple somatic (through the body) clothing-on exercise where they simply cup their genitals and rock. She dubs this the "Lotus Lift Meditation". As the women rock on their hands, many of them can begin to feel the slow building heat of arousal. Sometimes, this is the first time that they have felt their own arousal in a very long time. And for others, it is the first time that they have felt their arousal separate from beginning some other kind of sex act. this simple act opens up a communication pathway between a vagina and it's woman.
In this guided meditation, women simply feel, listen, and even question their bodies using the energy flow of arousal. In this soft trance states, women are asked to tune into their bodies and “ask” their “pussy”, “vagina “yoni”, “vulva” “cunt” (whatever word they are comfortable with), how their “lady parts” are feeling. Words often used are “honey”, “soft”, “happy”, “sexy”, “hot”, “tingling”, “connected”, and “alive”. But more and more, the following words are used: “angry”, “rage”, “broken”, “sad”, “pissed off”, “disconnected”, “nothing”. And then there are shocked tears. Many woman who express these darker emotions are shocked that these words came out of their mouths as they spoke the emotions of their angry, hurt, ignored, and disappointed vagina.
One may witness tears rolling down faces and stunned eyes as the women realize that they have not been listening to their own bodies, and that their vagina had some very real things to say to them. And so they begin a practice of having an internal dialog between a woman and her most sacred parts. Some mental health professionals call this “counseling with our parts”. Where one actively invites a body part to communicate with them. It's an incredibly healing practice, and often eye opening for the “owner” of the part. So this is what was learned about angry vaginas from their owners this year.
1. Vagina's want to be held and touched and not just when sex and orgasm is on the menu. They like a good cuddle.
2. Vagina's want their pleasure taken into account and they are tired of being rushed.
3. Vagina's want their “no” to be heard. Vagina's hold stories of sexual trauma for a very long time and need lots of support to heal. They don't want to be rushed.
4. Vagina's want attention paid to their climate whether it is ovulation, menstruation, peri-menopause, or menopause climate shifts, they want to be cared for and heard when the weather changes.
5. Vagina's want to be told that they are beautiful.
6. Vagina's will shut down and numb out if they are ignored.
7. If Vagina's are ignored long enough they will get furious and can begin to hurt.
8. Vagina's want to be asked.
Vagina's are resilient and they want to feel connected to their woman. Our job as women is to create the time to do just that. It's simple really. Create a space where you can be quiet. Begin to tune into your body by noticing your breath. Close your eyes and put one hand on your genitals and one hand on your heart. You can rock, or cup and move arousal energy or not. The most important thing is the connection. Try to tune into this incredible space between your legs and ask your vagina a question such as “How are you feeling?” and see what she says.
It can be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
~ Excerpts from an article by Pamela Madsen