The Neurobiology of Trauma+S*x

"What we have believed, experienced and practiced over time, we have come to embody…literally. What generative new beliefs, experiences and practices can we install to create whole new levels of possibility? THIS is where I may support you! And this also happens over a period of time."

What does this actually mean, and how does it help to inform how I support my clients?
Let me break this down a bit!

What Came First? The "State" or the "Story"? (By "State", I mean the state of your autonomic nervous system, or body security system.)

• Ventral Vagal State: The optimal (generative) state for health and well-being, where people may feel safe, connected, calm, joyful, energized and curious. This state is associated with social engagement,  creativity and effective communication.
• Sympathetic State: The second most protective state, where people feel threatened or dangerous and need to fight or flee. This state is associated with anxiety, anger, agitation, irritability, or frustration...when expressed as a defense response. (Of course there are also generative expressions of the Sympathetic State for mobilizing towards desires!)
• Dorsal Vagal State: The oldest, most primitive state can be expressed as a shutdown or immobilization response when we're faced with an overwhelming threat. The state is associated with feeling frozen, helpless, depressed, dissociated or collapsed.
• The "Fawn/Appease Response": Involves both Fight/Flight and Freeze activation at the same time. This is like pushing the gas pedal on a car while the emergency brake is engaged - and why fawning as a habitual long-term protective strategy causes major health problems. This response seeks safety by abandoning self for the purpose of attending to the wishes, needs and demands of others.

​Can you recognize how each of these states can be associated with our experiences and expressions of pleasure and sexuality? Have you ever found yourself experiencing any of these states, either as it relates to personal experiences or relational sexual experiences? I would say that at SOME point in the past we have ALL experienced a sense of overwhelm within our nervous system when it comes to not only the messaging that we received from our religion, culture and media; but the narratives, meanings and stories that we have come to believe and embody, ourselves!

What have been your past and/or current beliefs about pleasure and sexuality? Some of them are conscious, but some of them are also unconscious. And your past and recent experiences? Are your responses and choices generative? Meaning they are grounded in a sense of safety, connection and curiosity? Or do you find yourself caught in defense strategies? (And if so, it is for very good reason! Thank you, body!)

K...Back to the "What Came First? "State" or "Story"?

The vagus nerve cells are 80-90% afferent (sensory information). This means they send signals from the body to the brain and only 10-20% are efferent (motor commands), meaning sending signals from the brain to your body to move or do something. Therefore, the majority of neural signals are directed UPWARDS to the brain for processing. So yes, "changing your narratives and beliefs can be helpful, but what you are  CONSCIOUSLY PRACTICING over a period of time is what has the potential of creating new Optimal Responses/Choices that are aligned with how you desire to connect and feel...first with self, and then with a lover! (Of course, it is ideal if your lover is also on board and you are each practicing Empowered Voice and Choice!)

So What Does it Mean to "Create New, Generative Neural Pathways/Opportunities
​for Greater Connection, Creativity and Pleasure? (Perhaps Even Sexual Satisfaction?!)

So I hope this is helpful in understanding the importance of my working with clients over a period of time. And this is not about "number of sessions" (virtual and/or in-person), as much as it is about a period of time over which you will be NOTICING, MAPPING, VALUING, TRACKING, and COMMUNICATING what is arising! Are you able to notice your states? Are you able to make new conscious choices to change your state? What new choices can you PRACTICE?

When it comes to pleasure, it is important that you are able to be in a "Ventral Vagal State", where you feel both energized and calm, connected and curious, and are able to explore and appreciate the various subtleties and nuances of each of your senses. This is first a SOLO practice...and then it can become a PARTNERED practice!

Elements of My Work With Clients:

Non-Judgmental & "Safe-Enough" Space to be Held & Witnessed: You are "not broken" and do not need to be "fixed". Deep inquiry provides the opportunity to give voice to perhaps what you may have never given voice to before, especially as it relates to pleasure and sexuality. Voice breaks any "spell" of shame, fear, or perhaps judgement of past overwhelming experiences or traumas. And in our dis-covery and exploration...we are never in a hurry to "get anywhere". We will always go at the pace of the "slowest part of you"/your nervous system.

• Why "Safe-Enough"? You will learn to feel into your "neural learning zone" where you can 'challenge yourself' to be "safe-enough" to proceed with new brave choices at the pace of trust...based on the following biological principle:
• Hormesis: An adaptive response to a stressor where a low dose has a beneficial effect, while a higher dose has an inhibitory or toxic effect.

Nervous System + Anatomy of Pleasure Education:

• Theory: While many of us may have learned the basics of the Nervous System, we likely did not learn the nuances and how it applies to pleasure and sexuality. In addition, most of us have never had an accurate education around pleasure, sexuality, and the anatomy of arousal! I have curated a number of great resources!
• Somatic Experiencing: What is even more important than "understanding" principles conceptually, is to EMBODY new learnings! Through somatic practices, you not only discover what defense mechanisms are inhibiting your fullest expression, but you are also creating new neural pathways for greater resilience and capacity!

At-Home Practices: I would like to reiterate and emphasize this piece. My work with clients is not so much about "number of sessions", but about the support you will receive in PUTTING EVERYTHING TO PRACTICE! Move out of your Patterns of efficiency and protection...and into Moment-to-Moment Presence, which will provide you with an expanded range of 'notes' and choices that will enhance your pleasure, aliveness and connection!

Online Coaching Portal: Each of my clients receive their own private, personal online portal where all session notes, learning resources, communications, at-home practices (and more!) will be contained. This means everything is in one place, and allows us to track your whole Journey, from where you were...to where you are...and what your desires are for moving forward!

Bodywork/Direct-Experience: What has been most impactful has been being able to work directly with me, via either a series of sessions over time, or an Immersion Retreat. Some sessions may include bodywork as subtle as cranial sacral work, or more 'provocative work, "where muscle meets bone"...where one's history tends to be stored in our tissues! Bodywork does not always mean working with pleasure and genitals, but this is also part of the scope of my training and practice with clients.

• Series of Sessions: Because this is "nervous system work", it is necessary that we always go at the pace of the slowest part of you/your nervous system. There may be communication practices, energetic practices, relational practices....or there may be touch/bodywork.
• Immersion Retreats: For those that are not local to Colorado, people come to me for an immersive experience that is anywhere from 3-5 days. It is also possible for me to fly to you, or to a "Destination Location".

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