 As Individuals, we ALL have scars, residue, and fragmented parts of ourselves that have imprinted onto our soma and our psyche. They are not 'bad', 'wrong' or in need of 'fixing'…but they DO point to where we may access more of our fullest expression of health. And while our pelvis, genitals and sexual expression do not necessarily have to be included in this exploration, I would offer that these are the very places where we are most controlled and oppressed, and also where there may be the greatest potential for agency, sovereignty, liberation, healing and integration of these fragmented aspects of our Selves. As a couple, those that are “struggling” as it relates to their physical intimacy…this may not just be a matter of needing to learn new “tips and techniques”. Could it also be possible that both a “high libido”, and a “low libido” may actually be a coping strategy based on threat physiology within our nervous system? How about we map and track the state of each partner’s nervous system, and well as consider the neurobiology of safety and connection, as well! VIDEO: Learn more about "How Fawning Affects Your Sex Life": Click Here My work with people, both individuals and couples, is all about MAPPING & TRACKING. Let me back up a little bit to help explain what I mean by that. In the most rudimentary sense, our very existence is sustained via a process of our mapping and tracking….first for surviving…and only THEN are we able to move towards thriving. Our ‘body security system’ is doing this automatically, and mostly unconsciously. (However, we can also learn to do this more consciously, as well!) First…”Am I safe…enough?”. I observe and interpret my environment. I map. And then I track and scan to discern and choose. Sometimes consciously, but mostly unconsciously. And this never ends. We consist of physiological states; and because we are also very adept at “meaning-making”, we also operate according to our psychological stories. We are soma and psyche…informed and imprinted by generations, cultures, religions, families, experiences and other existential, karmic and cosmic factors, as well. How aware are you of your states? Of your stories? Often we are not aware of them until they speak loudly as “symptoms” or “chronic diseases” or other physical, emotional or relational challenges. Or sometimes our states can express as dissociation, functional freeze, or fawning/people pleasing. Are you sending how this is all VERY MUCH RELATED TO OUR S£XUAL Expression? This is why I work “through the body”. I hold spaces and create conditions for mapping and tracking states and stories. Soma and Psyche. Moving from Patterns to Presence. Patterns happen when something is “stuck” or “looping”. A past overwhelming experience that was not able to be completed, digested or integrated. Presence happens when I can be fully aware of, and engaged in, and accept, the current moment as it is. I can consciously choose, generatively and creatively. Are you able to orient to your environment? Can you be resourced and responsive to internal and external, individual, relational and environmental factors and conditions? Are you able to map and track your own physiology and emotional state? Can you land and locate in your Center? Do you feel lovable, worthy, valuable, and that you belong? What about in relation to another, to your environment, to your experiences, to the world around you? If we cannot first become STILL, can we truly trust what we are interpreting as "Desire"? For many of us, especially during these tumultuous times, we are largely disoriented, fragmented and stressed out. We are primarily in states of surviving, and less thriving. How do we move beyond surviving, and into generative states of healing, belonging, connecting and creativity? First, by EXPERIENCING a visceral state of “landing in one’s Self”! And this happens THROUGH the body! Through touch! First, there is touch with/of self. Relationship to self. Relationship to our senses, to the moment, to pleasure. Then there is being able to receive touch, request touch, adjust touch, set boundaries and limits around touch with another. And based on past experiences, our busy little body security system will ongoingly be scanning the environment to perceive levels of safety and connection, or threat. Can my body orient to safety? What is the range of my window of resilience or presence? What is the flexibility and capacity of my nervous system? All of this can be mapped and tracked. And influenced! “Negatively” and “positively”….because of neuroplasticity! How do we work with neuroplasticity? Through direct-experience…and through touch. (Often, this is where there has been rupture, and this is also where there can be repair, completion, integration, digestion, and alchemization….Healing!) To be able to offer professional touch in this capacity, great training is required. Because ruptures have been imprinted not only on the physical level, but on energetic and existential levels, as well…it is important to be adequately trained and capable of creating conditions of right-timing, right-distance, right-pacing and right-relationship. I am also addressing the Four Domains of Health: Biochemical, Biomechanicl, Emotional/Existential and Scar Tissue. This is (W)Holistic Inclusion. So even in our first “Discovery Call” together we are mapping and tracking, consciously and unconsciously. As a potential client, you are sussing out/assessing, “Am I safe-enough here? Do I feel seen, felt and understood? Do I feel resonance?”. The body wants to, and knows how to, find its way back to Self, Essence, to our innate and original Blueprint of Health. The body just needs to be offered the conditions of right-distance, right-pacing, right-timing and right-relationship, in order to digest and integrate a “small, doable piece” of 'chemical', challenge, provocation or activation. But never an amount that is too much, too fast, or too soon. And then be able to orient back towards Safety and Self. This is how capacity and flexibility, and health, is introduced to our soma and our psyche (actually our body will 're-member')….and then our relationships, our families, our societies, our cultures and our world. (This is a tall, and important, order!) So, that is what happens in a call. In a virtual session. In an in-person session. In between sessions. In a series of sessions. During immersion retreats. Attunement, coherence, and resonance in the space. In the relating. In the communicating. And the asking for, and receiving touch, when that is consented and agreed upon. Orienting to safety. Introducing a “small, doable” potential activations or provocations…and then orienting back to safety. The building of nervous system flexibility and capacity. This same work applies to couples, as well. First, as an individual, can you each land and locate in Self? Can you attune to the other, to the moment? Can you map and track the self, the other, and the moment? Can you meet the moment? Can you pivot, when needed? Can it be easeful? Playful? Creative? Alive? Perhaps even including a dance of polarity and erotic tension? (If that is what you each so choose?) Consider Two Different Experiences: "Hey! Do you wanna have s£x?": For this person, are you able to REALLY feel into what it is that you are ACTUALLY feeling or wanting in that moment? If you are not able to feel yourself, it is likely that your partner also cannot feel you. Both bodies may be experiencing a cascade of “threat responses” that are so ‘familiar’, that what happens next can also be an all too familiar pattern of behaviors. Sometimes, the “urge” to “have sex” in this moment can actually be the body experiencing threat physiology. This person may be experiencing activation that is beyond what their body’s capacity to contain, feel, transmute or move through. In referring to Jaiya’s Erotic Blueprints, we could say that this person is wired as a “Sexual Blueprint”. Yes…AND…let’s also look REALLY close to map and track the state of their nervous system. Could this be a state of overwhelm, fight or flight (hyper-arousal)? "It' been a while now, I suppose we better have s£x.": Located on the other end of the spectrum are very common states of hypo-arousal: dissociation, fawn, freeze and collapse. Especially those socialized as a girl/woman, fawning behavior is VERY common. And many of us could find that we have actually been doing this for YEARS! Again…NO ONE is 'bad', 'wrong' or 'broken'! But at some point, our body/psyche/soul may start to create “symptoms” of contraction, pain, “low libido” or simply no longer a desire to have sex. But more than likely…we NEVER learned what it is that we TRULY wanted or desired….or how to ask for it! Now…regardless of whether we are finding ourselves more often in states of “hyper-arousal” or “hypo-arousal”…..it is likely we HAVE found ourselves in patterns that we are all too familiar with, and too close to, to be able to navigate and change on our own. And there are sooo many nuanced aspects at play here! And THIS is why…that when I work with clients, together we consider all the following:
And we can't forget about the curiosity, the playfulness, the adventure, the edgy exploration and the transcendent ecstasy! We get to play with the Erotic Blueprints™, Tantric elements, erotic tension, polarity, power dynamics, sensual kink and more! But we only incorporate that as desired, and at a pace that is consciously attuned to each person's nervous system and to each moment that is arising and unfolding.
This work is NOT about bypassing, shaming or judging what is being experienced and expressed, and overlaying with fancy tools or techniques. There are very good reasons that your body chooses modes of protection. My commitment and intention is to create a container and the conditions where we get to mindfully and compassionately go to the source, the root, of what is wanting to be seen, witnessed and expressed, and then offer opportunities to expand into new learning and new possibilities!
0 Comments
The foundation of all challenges in our sexual expression, as well as possibilities for healing and expansion of our erotic capacity, lies within our nervous system. An Immersive Retreat will allow us to work together through experiential somatic learning and hands-on sessions to address any challenges and rewire your nervous system to be able to expand into new pathways to pleasure. What a better way work on your sexual expression?! Removing yourselves from your typical duties, responsibilities and routines affords a new perspective and an opportunity to retreat from constraints and obligations to dive deep to breakthrough blocks to pleasure and realize new erotic possibilities you never thought possible! What is an Immersion Retreat?An Immersion Retreat is an opportunity for hands-on education, WHOLE bodywork, and direct-experience learning with the intention of re-patterning and renegotiating outdated threat physiology that is keeping us from our fullest expression of health, vitality and intimate connection. What do I mean by “outdated threat physiology”? These are actually very intelligent responses of our nervous system that are expressing as “symptoms” and “stuck energy” in our physical, emotional and subtle bodies. What may present as a “low-libido”, “high-libido”, or “mismatched desires” likely has much to do with each partner’s nervous system. How can we expect any of us to be sensitive to - or available for - pleasure, sensation and deepened connection when we are most likely constantly operating from states of threat physiology?! Even - and especially - in these tumultuous times, it is more important than ever, that despite external chaotic conditions….we prioritize and create shared experiences of resource, regulation, co-regulation, pleasure, creativity, aliveness, joy and connection! (I would say this is imperative in order to meet these challenging demands!)
My work is somatic, and this is also why I describe it as “direct-experience”. What is unique about my scope of practice is that it is not only somatic, but includes hands-on education and WHOLE bodywork. I am trauma-trained and I work directly with the body; the nervous system, the physiology of trauma, the neurobiology of connection, and the science of pleasure. (More info can be found on my website. In this space, I wish to get more specific on how time is spent during an Immersion Retreat). General Flow & Outline:We will have a minimum of one 90-minute Preparatory Call prior to the Immersion Retreat. If you are a couple, I will also have an individual call with each of you. Some clients do virtual work with me for multiple weeks, or even months, prior to attending their Immersion. We begin with an Introductory Evening/Day One, where we get to finally meet one another in person, your nervous system gets a chance to orient to the space, and we begin to “map” where you are at with some communication practices, and perhaps simple touch practices. The primary focus of this evening is to establish safety in the body, in the space, and to learn about embodied consent and empowered voice and choice. Overall Theme: Mapping & Tracking This is about noticing, honoring, naming, valuing, and communicating what is arising/happening…moment-to-moment. When we communicate, there is information. When there is touch, there is information. We are listening to the physical body, the emotional body and the subtle body. As a facilitator and guide to this experience, I am paying attention to right-distance, right-pacing, right-timing and right-relationship. We don’t have to “dig into the past”, we just create the conditions for the body to speak to us. The body never lies! Day Two: Of course, this depends on the overall goals for our work together. We begin with establishing a visceral/embodied sense of landing and locating (safety) in the body. We start with communication, and perhaps some direct-experience exercises. We move at the pace of the nervous system. Touch is incorporated as it is appropriate to the desired learning, generally with some cranial sacral work and “bone holding”. We are mapping and tracking your nervous system, and titrating in “activation/provocation” only at a pace that your nervous system can digest, integrate, and easily then return back to “safety”. The more re-patterning and neural learning there is, the more flexibility and capacity there will be within your nervous system for expanded creativity, playfulness, aliveness and joy! HEALTH!
Day Three: If this is an Immersion for an individual, this will be a morning Integration Session. Let’s check-in to see what arose yesterday, and over the evening! How does this get integrated into your life as you return home? Some individuals choose to have a full day off for integration, and then return on day four for a morning bodywork session. The Integration session would be either that afternoon, or the next morning. Couples: Partner A will be the “Receiver” on the massage table, and Partner B the “Giver”. We could be including communication practices, energy dynamics, Erotic Blueprints, mapping; this will all be discussed during our preparatory calls and sessions. Despite what we “figured” or “planned” ahead of time, we will continue to “work with” what arises, moment-to-moment. Habits and patterns have a way of demanding their own timing of integration! After lunch/nature break, then partners will switch roles of Giving and Receiving. Day Four: Individuals will have a “day four” only if there has been at least one full day off for integration time on their own. Couples may also choose to have a full day off for integration, as well. Generally, couples will come in for the morning for their “Integration Session”. A LOT happened over the previous 2.5 days! Now we take a step back to review what arose, what we noticed, and how to integrate this learning as you return back home. This was all NEW NEURAL LEARNING! And yet, “old habits are hard to break”! It is highly recommended that we do continue with ongoing integrative coaching mentorship. (If you have been referred by a therapist, you will have new learning to bring into your work with them!) In an ideal world, we will have the opportunity to do ongoing work together and include 1 or 2 additional Immersion Retreats. "Old Habits Die Hard!" Consider devoting the year of 2025 to consistent, realistically-based attention and intention to new understandings, beliefs and behaviors that will Set You Up For a LIFETIME OF DEEPENED INTIMATE CONNECTION & SEXUAL SATISFACTION! 
Or…do you ever find yourself thinking, “It’s been a while now, I suppose we should have s3x”? Has your physical intimacy become patterned, predictable and scripted? Perhaps you find that you are “enduring”, or feel like there is pressure towards an ‘outcome’ for tension/stress relief? If NOTHING changes or transforms about the current state of your sex life, what will that mean for you, moving forward? What will that mean for your relationship, moving forward? If you are ready to TRANSFORM YOUR INTIMATE RELATING….I’ve got you! (How I Work With Clients) And let me start by saying, this is nervous system work! If it never happens that your body is able to reach a visceral state of feeling centered, landed, safe enough and softened enough to be present to sensations in your body, to be able to FOLLOW pleasure, and enter into a state of authentic curiosity and playfulness….then you are most likely in a physiological state of threat. For the partner saying, “Hey…do you want to have sex?”: Are you able to REALLY feel into what it is that you are ACTUALLY feeling or wanting in that moment? If you are not able to 'land in' and feel yourself, it is likely that your partner also cannot feel you. Both bodies may be experiencing a cascade of “threat responses” that are so ‘familiar’, that what happens next can also be all too familiar patterns of behavior. Again, NO ONE is bad, wrong, or broken. But these ARE signals! And it is POSSIBLE to experience more pleasure, joy, playfulness, aliveness and connection! Sometimes, the “urge” to “have sex” in this moment can actually be the body experiencing threat physiology. (And we could go off into another whole discussion about what "sex" even IS to each of the partners!) This person may be experiencing activation that is beyond their body’s capacity to contain, feel, transmute or move through. In referring to Jaiya’s Erotic Blueprints™, we could say that this person has a “Sexual Blueprint” wiring. Yes…AND…let’s also look REALLY close to map and track the state of their nervous system. Could this person actually be experiencing a state of overwhelm, fight or flight (hyper-arousal)? Or…located on the other end of the spectrum are very common states of hypo-arousal: fawn, freeze and collapse. This can sometimes be interpreted as the "Energetic Blueprint" Type. Especially for those socialized as a girl/woman, fawning behavior is VERY common. And many of us may even find that we have actually been doing this for YEARS! Again…NO ONE is bad, wrong or broken. But at some point, our body/psyche/soul may start to create “symptoms” of contraction, pain, “low libido” or simply no longer desiring to have sex. But more than likely…we NEVER learned what it is that we actually TRULY wanted or desired….or how to ask for it! Now…regardless of whether we are finding ourselves more often in states of “hyper-arousal” or “hypo-arousal”…..it is likely we HAVE found ourselves in patterns that we are all too familiar with, and too close to, to be able to navigate and transform on our own. And there are sooo many nuanced aspects at play here! And THIS is why…when I work with clients, together we include and consider all the following:
And we can't forget about the curiosity, the playfulness, the adventure, the edgy exploration and the transcendent ecstasy! We get to play with the Erotic Blueprints™, Tantric elements, erotic tension, polarity, power dynamics, sensual kink and more! But we only incorporate that as desired, and at a pace that is consciously attuned to each person's nervous system and to each moment that is arising and unfolding. This work is NOT about bypassing, shaming or judging what is being experienced and expressed, and overlaying with fancy tools or techniques. There are very good reasons that your body chooses modes of protection. My commitment and intention is to create a container and the conditions where we get to mindfully and compassionately go to the source, the root, of what is wanting to be seen, witnessed and expressed, and then offer opportunities to expand into new learning and new possibilities! Come to Mexico Valentine Weekend for Private Lover's Immersion Retreat!
Your chance to work privately with me! CLICK HERE |
Connie Eberhart
Somatic Sexologist Archives
January 2025
Categories
All
|
RSS Feed