As Individuals, we ALL have scars, residue, and fragmented parts of ourselves that have imprinted onto our soma and our psyche. They are not 'bad', 'wrong' or in need of 'fixing'…but they DO point to where we may access more of our fullest expression of health. And while our pelvis, genitals and sexual expression do not necessarily have to be included in this exploration, I would offer that these are the very places where we are most controlled and oppressed, and also where there may be the greatest potential for agency, sovereignty, liberation, healing and integration of these fragmented aspects of our Selves.

As a couple, those that are “struggling” as it relates to their physical intimacy…this may not just be a matter of needing to learn new “tips and techniques”. Could it also be possible that both a “high libido”, and a “low libido” may actually be a coping strategy based on threat physiology within our nervous system? How about we map and track the state of each partner’s nervous system, and well as consider the neurobiology of safety and connection, as well!

VIDEO: Learn more about "How Fawning Affects Your Sex Life": Click Here

Consider Two Different Experiences: 

"Hey! Do you wanna have s£x?": For this person, are you able to REALLY feel into what it is that you are ACTUALLY feeling or wanting in that moment? If you are not able to feel yourself, it is likely that your partner also cannot feel you. Both bodies may be experiencing a cascade of “threat responses” that are so ‘familiar’, that what happens next can also be an all too familiar pattern of behaviors.

Sometimes, the “urge” to “have sex” in this moment can actually be the body experiencing threat physiology. This person may be experiencing activation that is beyond what their body’s capacity to contain, feel, transmute or move through. In referring to Jaiya’s Erotic Blueprints, we could say that this person is wired as a “Sexual Blueprint”. Yes…AND…let’s also look REALLY close to map and track the state of their nervous system. Could this be a state of overwhelm, fight or flight (hyper-arousal)?

"It' been a while now, I suppose we better have s£x.": Located on the other end of the spectrum are very common states of hypo-arousal: dissociation, fawn, freeze and collapse. Especially those socialized as a girl/woman, fawning behavior is VERY common. And many of us could find that we have actually been doing this for YEARS! Again…NO ONE is 'bad', 'wrong' or 'broken'! But at some point, our body/psyche/soul may start to create “symptoms” of contraction, pain, “low libido” or simply no longer a desire to have sex. But more than likely…we NEVER learned what it is that we TRULY wanted or desired….or how to ask for it!

Now…regardless of whether we are finding ourselves more often in states of “hyper-arousal” or “hypo-arousal”…..it is likely we HAVE found ourselves in patterns that we are all too familiar with, and too close to, to be able to navigate and change on our own. And there are sooo many nuanced aspects at play here!

And THIS is why…that when I work with clients, together we consider all the following:

• Pleasure Anatomy & The Sex Education We Never Had
• Learning about Embodied Boundaries & Consent 
• Experiencing Attuned Receiving & Giving of Touch
• Attachment Strategies & Threat Physiology
• Generational, Cultural, Religious, Familial, Relational, Developmental and Peri- and Pre-natal, Complex and Existential Imprints
• The body holds our history! The body is also our portal to empowered agency, sovereignty, autonomy and liberation!

​And we can't forget about the curiosity, the playfulness, the adventure, the edgy exploration and the transcendent ecstasy! We get to play with the Erotic Blueprints™, Tantric elements, erotic tension, polarity, power dynamics, sensual kink and more! But we only incorporate that as desired, and at a pace that is consciously attuned to each person's nervous system and to each moment that is arising and unfolding. 

This work is NOT about bypassing, shaming or judging what is being experienced and expressed, and overlaying with fancy tools or techniques. There are very good reasons that your body chooses modes of protection. My commitment and intention is to create a container and the conditions where we get to mindfully and compassionately go to the source, the root, of what is wanting to be seen, witnessed and expressed, and then offer opportunities to expand into new learning and new possibilities! 

​The foundation of all challenges in our sexual expression, as well as possibilities for healing and expansion of our erotic capacity, lies within our nervous system. An Immersive Retreat will allow us to work together through experiential somatic learning and hands-on sessions to address any   challenges and rewire your nervous system to be able to expand into new pathways to pleasure.

What a better way work on your sexual expression?! Removing yourselves from your typical duties, responsibilities and routines affords a new perspective and an opportunity to retreat from constraints and obligations to dive deep to breakthrough blocks to pleasure and realize new erotic possibilities you never thought possible!

An Immersion Retreat is an opportunity for hands-on education, WHOLE bodywork, and direct-experience learning with the intention of re-patterning and renegotiating outdated threat physiology that is keeping us from our fullest expression of health, vitality and intimate connection.

What do I mean by “outdated threat physiology”? These are actually very intelligent responses of our nervous system that are expressing as “symptoms” and “stuck energy” in our physical, emotional and subtle bodies. 

What may present as a “low-libido”, “high-libido”, or “mismatched desires” likely has much to do with each partner’s nervous system. How can we expect any of us to be sensitive to - or available for - pleasure, sensation and deepened connection when we are most likely constantly operating from states of threat physiology?! Even - and especially - in these tumultuous times, it is more important than ever, that despite external chaotic conditions….we prioritize and create shared experiences of resource, regulation, co-regulation, pleasure, creativity, aliveness, joy and connection! (I would say this is imperative in order to meet these challenging demands!)

​My work is somatic, and this is also why I describe it as “direct-experience”. What is unique about my scope of practice is that it is not only somatic, but includes hands-on education and  WHOLE bodywork. I am trauma-trained and I work directly with the body; the nervous system, the physiology of trauma, the neurobiology of connection, and the science of pleasure. (More info can be found on my website. In this space, I wish to get more specific on how time is spent during an Immersion Retreat).

​We will have a minimum of one 90-minute Preparatory Call prior to the Immersion Retreat. If you are a couple, I will also have an individual call with each of you. Some clients do virtual work with me for multiple weeks, or even months, prior to attending their Immersion.

We begin with an Introductory Evening/Day One, where we get to finally meet one another in person, your nervous system gets a chance to orient to the space, and we begin to “map” where you are at with some communication practices, and perhaps simple touch practices. The primary focus of this evening is to establish safety in the body, in the space, and to learn about embodied consent and empowered voice and choice.

Overall Theme: Mapping & Tracking
This is about noticing, honoring, naming, valuing, and communicating what is arising/happening…moment-to-moment. When we communicate, there is information. When there is touch, there is information. We are listening to the physical body, the emotional body and the subtle body. As a facilitator and guide to this experience, I am paying attention to right-distance, right-pacing, right-timing and right-relationship. We don’t have to “dig into the past”, we just create the conditions for the body to speak to us. The body never lies!

Day Two:
Of course, this depends on the overall goals for our work together. We begin with establishing a visceral/embodied sense of landing and locating (safety) in the body. We start with communication, and perhaps some direct-experience exercises. We move at the pace of the nervous system. Touch is incorporated as it is appropriate to the desired learning, generally with some cranial sacral work and “bone holding”. We are mapping and tracking your nervous system, and titrating in “activation/provocation” only at a pace that your nervous system can digest,  integrate, and easily then return back to “safety”. The more re-patterning and neural learning there is, the more flexibility and capacity there will be within your  nervous system for expanded creativity, playfulness, aliveness and joy! HEALTH!

Day Three:
If this is an Immersion for an individual, this will be a morning Integration Session. Let’s check-in to see what arose yesterday, and over the evening! How does this get integrated into your life as you return home? Some individuals choose to have a full day off for integration, and then return on day four for a morning bodywork session. The Integration session would be either that afternoon, or the next morning.

Couples: Partner A will be the “Receiver” on the massage table, and Partner B the “Giver”. We could be including communication practices, energy dynamics, Erotic Blueprints, mapping; this will all be discussed during our preparatory calls and sessions. Despite what we “figured” or “planned” ahead of time, we will continue to “work with” what arises, moment-to-moment. Habits and patterns have a way of demanding their own timing of integration! After lunch/nature break, then partners will switch roles of Giving and Receiving.

Day Four:
Individuals will have a “day four” only if there has been at least one full day off for integration time on their own. Couples may also choose to have a full day off for integration, as well. Generally, couples will come in for the morning for their “Integration Session”. A LOT happened over the previous 2.5 days! Now we take a step back to review what arose, what we noticed, and how to integrate this learning as you return back home.

This was all NEW NEURAL LEARNING! And yet, “old habits are hard to break”! It is highly recommended that we do continue with ongoing integrative coaching mentorship. (If you have been referred by a therapist, you will have new learning to bring into your work with them!)

​Or…do you ever find yourself thinking, “It’s been a while now, I suppose we should have s3x”?

Has your physical intimacy become patterned, predictable and scripted? Perhaps you find that you are “enduring”, or feel like there is pressure towards an ‘outcome’ for tension/stress relief?

If NOTHING changes or transforms about the current state of your sex life, what will that mean for you, moving forward? What will that mean for your relationship, moving forward? If you are ready to TRANSFORM YOUR INTIMATE RELATING….I’ve got you! (How I Work With Clients)

​And let me start by saying, this is nervous system work! If it never happens that your body is able to reach a visceral state of feeling centered, landed, safe enough and softened enough to be present to sensations in your body, to be able to FOLLOW pleasure, and enter into a state of authentic curiosity and playfulness….then you are most likely in a physiological state of threat. 

For the partner saying, “Hey…do you want to have sex?”: Are you able to REALLY feel into what it is that you are ACTUALLY feeling or wanting in that moment? If you are not able to 'land in' and feel yourself, it is likely that your partner also cannot feel you. Both bodies may be experiencing a cascade of “threat responses” that are so ‘familiar’, that what happens next can also be all too familiar patterns of behavior. Again, NO ONE is bad, wrong, or broken. But these ARE signals! And it is POSSIBLE to experience more pleasure, joy, playfulness, aliveness and connection!

Sometimes, the “urge” to “have sex” in this moment can actually be the body experiencing threat physiology. (And we could go off into another whole discussion about what "sex" even IS to each of the partners!) This person may be experiencing activation that is beyond their body’s capacity to contain, feel, transmute or move through. In referring to Jaiya’s Erotic Blueprints™, we could say that this person has a “Sexual Blueprint” wiring. Yes…AND…let’s also look REALLY close to map and track the state of their nervous system. Could this person actually be experiencing a state of overwhelm, fight or flight (hyper-arousal)?

Or…located on the other end of the spectrum are very common states of hypo-arousal: fawn, freeze and collapse. This can sometimes be interpreted as the "Energetic Blueprint" Type. Especially for those socialized as a girl/woman, fawning behavior is VERY common. And many of us may even find that we have actually been doing this for YEARS! Again…NO ONE is bad, wrong or broken. But at some point, our body/psyche/soul may start to create “symptoms” of contraction, pain, “low libido” or simply no longer desiring to have sex. But more than likely…we NEVER learned what it is that we actually TRULY wanted or desired….or how to ask for it!

And we can't forget about the curiosity, the playfulness, the adventure, the edgy exploration and the transcendent ecstasy! We get to play with the Erotic Blueprints™, Tantric elements, erotic tension, polarity, power dynamics, sensual kink and more! But we only incorporate that as desired, and at a pace that is consciously attuned to each person's nervous system and to each moment that is arising and unfolding. 

This work is NOT about bypassing, shaming or judging what is being experienced and expressed, and overlaying with fancy tools or techniques. There are very good reasons that your body chooses modes of protection. My commitment and intention is to create a container and the conditions where we get to mindfully and compassionately go to the source, the root, of what is wanting to be seen, witnessed and expressed, and then offer opportunities to expand into new learning and new possibilities! 

• Ventral Vagal State: The optimal (generative) state for health and well-being, where people may feel safe, connected, calm, joyful, energized and curious. This state is associated with social engagement,  creativity and effective communication.
• Sympathetic State: The second most protective state, where people feel threatened or dangerous and need to fight or flee. This state is associated with anxiety, anger, agitation, irritability, or frustration...when expressed as a defense response. (Of course there are also generative expressions of the Sympathetic State for mobilizing towards desires!)
• Dorsal Vagal State: The oldest, most primitive state can be expressed as a shutdown or immobilization response when we're faced with an overwhelming threat. The state is associated with feeling frozen, helpless, depressed, dissociated or collapsed.
• The "Fawn/Appease Response": Involves both Fight/Flight and Freeze activation at the same time. This is like pushing the gas pedal on a car while the emergency brake is engaged - and why fawning as a habitual long-term protective strategy causes major health problems. This response seeks safety by abandoning self for the purpose of attending to the wishes, needs and demands of others.

​Can you recognize how each of these states can be associated with our experiences and expressions of pleasure and sexuality? Have you ever found yourself experiencing any of these states, either as it relates to personal experiences or relational sexual experiences? I would say that at SOME point in the past we have ALL experienced a sense of overwhelm within our nervous system when it comes to not only the messaging that we received from our religion, culture and media; but the narratives, meanings and stories that we have come to believe and embody, ourselves!

What have been your past and/or current beliefs about pleasure and sexuality? Some of them are conscious, but some of them are also unconscious. And your past and recent experiences? Are your responses and choices generative? Meaning they are grounded in a sense of safety, connection and curiosity? Or do you find yourself caught in defense strategies? (And if so, it is for very good reason! Thank you, body!)

The vagus nerve cells are 80-90% afferent (sensory information). This means they send signals from the body to the brain and only 10-20% are efferent (motor commands), meaning sending signals from the brain to your body to move or do something. Therefore, the majority of neural signals are directed UPWARDS to the brain for processing. So yes, "changing your narratives and beliefs can be helpful, but what you are  CONSCIOUSLY PRACTICING over a period of time is what has the potential of creating new Optimal Responses/Choices that are aligned with how you desire to connect and feel...first with self, and then with a lover! (Of course, it is ideal if your lover is also on board and you are each practicing Empowered Voice and Choice!)

So I hope this is helpful in understanding the importance of my working with clients over a period of time. And this is not about "number of sessions" (virtual and/or in-person), as much as it is about a period of time over which you will be NOTICING, MAPPING, VALUING, TRACKING, and COMMUNICATING what is arising! Are you able to notice your states? Are you able to make new conscious choices to change your state? What new choices can you PRACTICE?

When it comes to pleasure, it is important that you are able to be in a "Ventral Vagal State", where you feel both energized and calm, connected and curious, and are able to explore and appreciate the various subtleties and nuances of each of your senses. This is first a SOLO practice...and then it can become a PARTNERED practice!

Non-Judgmental & "Safe-Enough" Space to be Held & Witnessed: You are "not broken" and do not need to be "fixed". Deep inquiry provides the opportunity to give voice to perhaps what you may have never given voice to before, especially as it relates to pleasure and sexuality. Voice breaks any "spell" of shame, fear, or perhaps judgement of past overwhelming experiences or traumas. And in our dis-covery and exploration...we are never in a hurry to "get anywhere". We will always go at the pace of the "slowest part of you"/your nervous system.

• Why "Safe-Enough"? You will learn to feel into your "neural learning zone" where you can 'challenge yourself' to be "safe-enough" to proceed with new brave choices at the pace of trust...based on the following biological principle:
• Hormesis: An adaptive response to a stressor where a low dose has a beneficial effect, while a higher dose has an inhibitory or toxic effect.

Nervous System + Anatomy of Pleasure Education:

• Theory: While many of us may have learned the basics of the Nervous System, we likely did not learn the nuances and how it applies to pleasure and sexuality. In addition, most of us have never had an accurate education around pleasure, sexuality, and the anatomy of arousal! I have curated a number of great resources!
• Somatic Experiencing: What is even more important than "understanding" principles conceptually, is to EMBODY new learnings! Through somatic practices, you not only discover what defense mechanisms are inhibiting your fullest expression, but you are also creating new neural pathways for greater resilience and capacity!

At-Home Practices: I would like to reiterate and emphasize this piece. My work with clients is not so much about "number of sessions", but about the support you will receive in PUTTING EVERYTHING TO PRACTICE! Move out of your Patterns of efficiency and protection...and into Moment-to-Moment Presence, which will provide you with an expanded range of 'notes' and choices that will enhance your pleasure, aliveness and connection!

Online Coaching Portal: Each of my clients receive their own private, personal online portal where all session notes, learning resources, communications, at-home practices (and more!) will be contained. This means everything is in one place, and allows us to track your whole Journey, from where you were...to where you are...and what your desires are for moving forward!

Bodywork/Direct-Experience: What has been most impactful has been being able to work directly with me, via either a series of sessions over time, or an Immersion Retreat. Some sessions may include bodywork as subtle as cranial sacral work, or more 'provocative work, "where muscle meets bone"...where one's history tends to be stored in our tissues! Bodywork does not always mean working with pleasure and genitals, but this is also part of the scope of my training and practice with clients.

• Series of Sessions: Because this is "nervous system work", it is necessary that we always go at the pace of the slowest part of you/your nervous system. There may be communication practices, energetic practices, relational practices....or there may be touch/bodywork.
• Immersion Retreats: For those that are not local to Colorado, people come to me for an immersive experience that is anywhere from 3-5 days. It is also possible for me to fly to you, or to a "Destination Location". (I will be in Cabo San Lucas the end of January, and in San Miguel de Allende mid to end of February if you wish to schedule an Immersion Retreat there!)​

So excited to see the Core Erotic Blueprints™ "explode" into the media! Very interesting to see the various discussions around seeking guidance in healing and expanding in one's sexuality. 

Recently, Julianne Hough spoke up about her work online with "Sex Therapist", Jaiya, and discovering she and her husband's Core Erotic Blueprint™. This story was picked up by outlets such as The View, The Talk, Oprah Magazine, Good Morning America, People, ABC News, Metro, Daily Caller, The Loop, E, Yahoo....and many more! (Find some of those articles here).

I so hope that some of these Interviewers will take a closer look to see what the Erotic Blueprints actually are! In my experience in working with clients, The Erotic Blueprints not only offer a clear path to discovering sexual self-expression and joyful embodiment, but using this work helps couples, singles, and moresomes find new ways to communicate with empathy, love, and authenticity to repair, rebuild, renew, and expand intimacy, creativity, and confidence -- not just in their love lives, but in every arena where they can grow and play and bring their newfound gifts out into the world. Because when we can learn to play and give and grow in all those places we've been holding back in our sex lives, we give that to our partners...our children...our work...our biggest visions...our purpose on the planet!

The Creator of the Core Erotic Blueprints™, Jaiya, had a brilliant response:

"This week, the Erotic Blueprints™ hit the media! Wow!! (Video from "The View")

Julianne Hough, a brilliant actress and dancer, known for her work on Dancing With The Stars, courageously shared how understanding her Erotic Blueprint™ helped to “save” her relationship.
Articles appeared in “Oprah Magazine Online”, “The Talk” – about 15 minutes in, “People”, “Yahoo”, “Good Morning America” and many other media outlets picked it up. “The View” even featured the story as their “Hot Topic” on Tuesday and mentioned the Blueprints probably 20 times in 4 minutes. Wow!

But here’s the thing. The View had a great opportunity to empower and educate people about sex. Instead they judged Julianne for needing help with her sex life only 2 years into her relationship, acted like talking about sex was something celebrities shouldn’t do and they displayed ignorance about Erotic Blueprints, because they didn’t have any knowledge and had done no research about what Erotic Blueprints are.

There’s no such thing as bad press, or so the saying goes…

I’m so grateful and excited to have the Erotic Blueprints mentioned in mainstream media and I just want to take a moment to set some things straight.

First, Julianne Hough is a brave, brilliant woman. Learning about sex early in a relationship, knowing your own Erotic Blueprint type and being able to communicate that to a lover, educating yourself and working with a Sexuality Educator, Coach or Therapist is a smart way to go!

Why not be proactive and preventative in relationship?
Do we really want to wait until things take a downhill turn?
Why not start things off with skills and knowledge so we’re all having amazing intimate connection right from the start? This is like preventative medicine for your love life.

Nothing needs to be wrong or broken. And I believe that shaming people and judging others for having a sexuality coach or therapist or learning more about their sexuality only perpetuates the suffering we experience in this area. Way to go Julianne for taking the matter in your own hands and learning your Erotic Blueprint and…for sharing your story and your journey with others publicly! This conversation is going to help so many people.

We need to start talking about sex. I truly believe that the media and public figures have an opportunity to uplift this entire conversation. Imagine that instead of snickers, giggles and embarrassed shut down, there was a grounded, real and adult conversation about this topic. Instead of shaming someone for speaking about this, we open up and normalize talking about sexuality, getting education sexually about what turns us on. What if we made pleasure a conversation that is comfortable?

There was a missed opportunity to take this deeper and empower the world. I truly wish that the media would have researched before sharing about this story. They didn’t fact check and they didn’t even know what they were talking about. Many of the articles spoke about the mystery “Sex Therapist”. I’m actually not a therapist. I’m a Somatic Sexologist trained with the Institute for the Advanced Study of Human Sexuality with over 20 years in this industry. It’s amazing to me that they would say “Erotic Blueprints” a dozen times on The View but have no idea what that means.

Here’s what I want you to know.

You are not broken.
There is nothing wrong with you.
There is nothing wrong about educating yourself about sex, understanding what turns you on and having a pleasure map that allows you to share your desires with your lover(s).
There is nothing wrong with seeking out help from a Sexuality Educator, Coach or Therapist.
In fact, it shows that you care about your relationships and sexuality and you’re preventing challenges that may happen down the road.

​There’s nothing wrong with talking about sex and sharing your story publicly. As a matter of fact it helps to change the conversation and empowers others. It’s not that you have to share your private details or share at all, but don’t shame or judge others for it. If I had never shared my story, think of all the people who would have never grown, healed or transformed their relationships.

One of the reasons why we feel so broken and alone in this area is because we don’t talk about sex. It’s been one of my goals to create a conversation and community around sex so that we no longer suffer in isolation. And if you are new here, just finding your way to the Erotic Blueprints™, be sure to take The Erotic Blueprint Quiz to take the first step to discovering an erotic language that helps you articulate what you love, so you can get more of it.

There are 5 Erotic Blueprint Types, and each of us has our unique map of arousal and orgasm. The Erotic Blueprints help you to understand what feeds you both inside and outside the Bedroom.
Too many people go through their lives never being fully fed and satisfied when it comes to sexual pleasure. It’s time for that to change, don’t you think?

Ian and I head into celebrating our 12 year anniversary this weekend! I credit the Erotic Blueprints as one of our big secrets to success. We have a super hot juicy sex life and I’m excited to indulge during our anniversary celebrations! So, to those of you in the media, to those of you who have a platform and a voice, I ask you please:

Let’s stop shaming people

Let’s stop with the snickers (yes, we can still laugh and make it fun and playful) but instead have a grounded adult conversation about sexuality and pleasure

Let’s get informed and raise consciousness around a beautiful act that brought each and every one of us onto this planet. Everyone is doing it, has done it or wants to do it (there are some who don’t and more power to you.) We don’t need to judge, and we don’t need to shame.

And please, when you have an opportunity to empower and educate, let’s research and fact check to make sure we’re giving accurate information. Sexuality has been in the dark for far too long and it’s time we illuminate this sacred part of who we are as human beings.

To those of you feel called to up-level the conversation! Please, respectfully and gracefully, comment on The Talk’s video, share the Oprah Magazine Online article and other more deeply informed articles on Social Media. Invite people to learn more!

We’re grateful to each and everyone of you who have already done so and who are contributing to this conversation. It doesn’t happen overnight, but every step is a step towards Conscious Erotic Freedom for the world!"

 "We need sexual healing. We are in profound, desperate need of mindful attention and care for our intimate lives. We are deeply hurting, individually and collectively, but we don't know where to take our sexual wounds for mending. We are sexually abused, traumatized and disempowered. We are disembodied, fragmented and disconnected. We are dissatisfied, but we aren't really sure what we actually want, or what is even possible. We don't know where or how to find out, and we are discouraged from asking. We certainly haven't been given any compasses or roadmaps. What we have been given is reproduction-focused diagrams of ovaries and testicles, and minimal, if any, information about the pleasure aspect of what happens, "down there". We've been given shame.

​In this enormous need for sexual healing, and the dire lack of awareness about the ways it can begin to occur, that motivated the creation of this book. People need to know what is possible. They need to know how to nurture their sexual selves and bring much-needed healing to their intimate lives." ~ Cassie Moore

"Cultural and personal experiences surround sex with stress, danger and neglect, not only inhibiting the ecstasy that is possible, but generating opposite effects - our cells are bathed in stress hormones and neurochemicals that damage the nervous system and actively obstruct pleasure, learning, happiness, connection and sexual response. Changing self, culture and community begins with changing our bodies' unconscious processes, so we can shift the fear-based patterns grooved in our own autonomic nervous systems. With this recognition, the profession of somatic sex education was born.

Somatic sex education utilizes the new science of the brain and nervous system as a basis for expanding sexual happiness. With awareness of neuroplasticity we understand that the whole nervous system is continually changing - either learning and growing, or contracting and becoming inhibited. Just as muscles grow when we work out and atrophy when we do not, the brain and nervous system grow and evolve with more enrichment and diverse stimulation. We can create new practices and form new habits, including the habit of sexual happiness. We can expand erotic possibilities with positive experiences of physical pleasure. We can repair damaged attachment systems with experiences of feeling cherished our sexuality, and encouraged and prized for who we are as erotic beings.

​Somatic practices are body-based exercises and experiences that allow each person to open an inner dialogue with their autonomic movement, mindful masturbation and extend erotic touch in a container of safe professional relationship and caring community. Individual somatic sex education sessions are places to practice feeling and expressing desires and learning efficacy and empowerment in the erotic realm. Practitioners and clients form a community of practice that celebrates and cultivates the erotic for personal and social change." ~ Caffyn Jesse

Before reading on, I'd love to invite you to pause and jot down your answers to the following questions: What associations do you have with the word "erotic"? What does this word mean to you? What associations do you have with the word "eros"?

If you google "erotic", the links that come up either refer to adult films or erotic literature that focus on sex. "But isn't that what erotic is?" The answer is both yes and no.

In its most true essence, eros is our life force energy. It is the energy of creation and the very pulse of our being. It’s what makes us feel ALIVE. Eros is the spark of inspiration and the magnetism that draws us into communion with our dreams and desires. When we are in the energy of the erotic we are at home in our bodies and in intimate relationship with the world around us.

Yes, eros is inherently sexual.  Sexual in the way that a ripe flower opens in spring. Sexual in the way that the cells of our bodies divide. Sexual in the way that there is something you are so committed to that it propels you to act with great passion. It is the great force behind co-creation. 

Eros, or sexual energy, is the electric source of our power. Coming into relationship with the erotic offers up a profound expansion in the way that we think about and experience our own sexuality.   

What we know of sex and how we enact it is small and incomplete. As a culture, we have settled for the most minuscule crumbs of sexual expression. 

Our severance from the erotic has been so complete that we can’t even perceive what’s possible from where we are currently standing. 

The erotic current lives whether we look at it or not, whether we engage it or not. It’s a living current—persistent and undeniable. When we attempt to push down and bury eros it will emerge sideways and twisted. The pandemics of internet pornography and rape culture are a direct result of the exiling of eros.

The irony of trying to protect children from the erotic is that before culture domesticates them, children are the living, breathing full expression of eros. Young children learn through their sensual experience with the world, they are at home and liberated in all of the natural ways their bodies move, they freely express the full spectrum of emotion. This is eros in pure form and action.

NONE OF US CAN FULLY THRIVE UNTIL WE RECONNECT TO AND EXPRESS WITH EROS. 

Read full article here.

A big focus of the work of a Sexological Bodyworker is supporting women in listening to their bodies by tuning into and accessing their erotic arousal.

Pamela Madsen guides women on a very simple somatic (through the body) clothing-on exercise where they simply cup their genitals and rock. She dubs this the "Lotus Lift Meditation". As the women rock on their hands, many of them can begin to feel the slow building heat of arousal. Sometimes, this is the first time that they have felt their own arousal in a very long time. And for others, it is the first time that they have felt their arousal separate from beginning some other kind of sex act. this simple act opens up a communication pathway between a vagina and it's woman.

In this guided meditation, women simply feel, listen, and even question their bodies using the energy flow of arousal. In this soft trance states, women are asked to tune into their bodies and “ask” their “pussy”, “vagina “yoni”, “vulva” “cunt” (whatever word they are comfortable with), how their “lady parts” are feeling. Words often used are “honey”, “soft”, “happy”, “sexy”, “hot”, “tingling”, “connected”, and “alive”. But more and more, the following words are used: “angry”, “rage”, “broken”, “sad”, “pissed off”, “disconnected”, “nothing”. And then there are shocked tears. Many woman who express these darker emotions are shocked that these words came out of their mouths as they spoke the emotions of their angry, hurt, ignored, and disappointed vagina.

One may witness tears rolling down faces and stunned eyes as the women realize that they have not been listening to their own bodies, and that their vagina had some very real things to say to them. And so they begin a practice of having an internal dialog between a woman and her most sacred parts. Some mental health professionals call this “counseling with our parts”. Where one actively invites a body part to communicate with them. It's an incredibly healing practice, and often eye opening for the “owner” of the part. So this is what was learned about angry vaginas from their owners this year.

1. Vagina's want to be held and touched and not just when sex and orgasm is on the menu. They like a good cuddle.
2. Vagina's want their pleasure taken into account and they are tired of being rushed.
3. Vagina's want their “no” to be heard. Vagina's hold stories of sexual trauma for a very long time and need lots of support to heal. They don't want to be rushed.
4. Vagina's want attention paid to their climate whether it is ovulation, menstruation, peri-menopause, or menopause climate shifts, they want to be cared for and heard when the weather changes.
5. Vagina's want to be told that they are beautiful.
6. Vagina's will shut down and numb out if they are ignored.
7. If Vagina's are ignored long enough they will get furious and can begin to hurt.
8. Vagina's want to be asked.

Vagina's are resilient and they want to feel connected to their woman. Our job as women is to create the time to do just that. It's simple really. Create a space where you can be quiet. Begin to tune into your body by noticing your breath. Close your eyes and put one hand on your genitals and one hand on your heart. You can rock, or cup and move arousal energy or not. The most important thing is the connection. Try to tune into this incredible space between your legs and ask your vagina a question such as “How are you feeling?” and see what she says.

It can be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.

~ Excerpts from an article by Pamela Madsen

So many women come to (Sexological Bodyworkers) wanting to "surrender". They are wanting to be able to "open" and "relax into their bodies". And yet, so many of us of any gender --- walk around in a state of "clench". It's all about hard bodies, tightened abs and guarding our emotional and physical selves. And that makes a lot of sense for a world that lives in combat. The only thing is that it doesn't make a lot of sense for is living a life of full sensuality. An armored contracted body goes numb from holding tight; and is not an invitation for pleasure or a lover's hand.

In Sexological Bodywork, we have for years worked with people around what we call "genital mapping" and "pelvic release work". This particular aspect of sexual wellness is not necessarily around arousal or orgasm. It's about identifying where in our genitals and pelvis that we hold unconscious contraction and emotions. By doing this slow exploration, we begin to identify in a somatic (in the body) experience where the trauma is held -- and we can learn to feel how to unleash it. Putting all of the learned practices together, we are using the term "Genital De-Armoring". Joseph Kramer, the founder of the field of Sexological Bodywork, would probably prefer the term; "Erotic Integration Work". But there is an imagery around the wold "Armor" that is helpful here for people to understand the concept.

Armor is...
traditionally worn as a defense against combat. This wording is used to describe the somatic process of ‘armoring’ that can happen in the body as a physical response to trauma.
There are many types of trauma, whether it is shaming around our expression of sexuality, difficult childbirth, medical/surgical experiences, sexual abuse, rape, or any form of unwanted sexual touch.

The body can go into a pattern of ‘guarding’ or holding, creating chronic pain or tension in the pelvic floor, or even ‘numbing out’ to suppress any sensation or feeling at all. Adhesions and scarring deep in the fascia can also contribute to feelings of pain and ‘stuck-ness’. This can make it extremely difficult to be connected in a loving way with our own bodies, or fully engaged and present with our partners in intimate situations. Loss of intimacy and lack of desire can cause us to pull further away in relationship.

​In a de-armoring session, we use a combination of breathwork, touch and sensory awareness to help you relax into a deep state where subconscious patterns can begin the process of neural reprogramming. This is particularly effective for PTSD symptoms, when our bodies have been conditioned to react with a flight, fight or freeze response. Each session is different for each woman, and is based on what you would like to explore. You are gently guided back to a place where it is safe to trust your body, and where it can become safe to trust pleasure again. You begin to heal yourself from within, and that is an empowering space.

~ Excerpts taken from a post written by Pamela Anderson

The second thing I believe is that the most dangerous ailment in the world, the one from which all other catastrophes stem, is the epidemic of our disembodiment, the evisceration of our understanding that human experience, intelligence and awareness comes primarily through the portal of our physical body. If we are not in relationship with our bodies then we cannot be in relationship with others or the earth body upon which we each rely for our individual and collective survival. In our disembodied state we are capable of not only allowing but contributing to the disembowelment of each other and the earth.

The third thing I believe is that we live to be used up by the world in the unique way we are each here to serve; that this largest longing is at the root of all other longings. It is likely that the un-lived course of our deepest longing is the cause of skyrocketing addiction and other numbing behaviors now epidemic among humans. If we get to our death beds without having been both acknowledged and used up by the world in the particular way we are meant to serve, we often feel an unbearable sense of betrayal, anger and uselessness that is perhaps the worst of all human experiences. We cannot offer what we have yet to claim as our own: in our disembodied state we flail in bankruptcy with nothing more to offer than the collusion of our domesticity.

​The fourth thing I believe is that, because of our cultural disembodiment and the resulting disembowelment of the world, the world is quite literally dying to experience our full presence, for the wise stewarding and intimate attention of our witness and reflection. We are so perfectly equipped to be the world’s stewards and witnesses, to feel the joy and heartbreak of the impossibility of this life and its certain death, of the miracle of ocean ecosystems and the diversity of rain forest canopies. Of the inconceivable infinity of space and the existence of microscopic organisms without which the entire web of this life would collapse. To traverse the vulnerability of our heart’s attachments while allowing that all of what we know and believe defines us will cease to exist, to make room for the next iteration, over and over, without hesitation, through devastation and incomprehension. It will happen to us, with us, despite us and we will, if we reclaim our wild lives and the fullness of the wisdom that comes through our erotically intelligent creatively vibrant bodies, be here to say “Yes. I am paying attention.”